Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn — Why You React the Way You Do
You know how sometimes you completely lose it over something small, and then later you’re like, “Why am I so angry?” Or maybe you avoid certain people or situations because you just can’t deal with conflict and then you wonder, “Why do I avoid conflict so much?” That’s not you being dramatic. That’s your nervous system doing its thing.
See, when your body keeps score and I mean really keeps score from everything you’ve been through your brain doesn’t wait to check if you’re in danger now. It just reacts based on what kept you alive then. This is where the four big trauma responses come in: Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn.
Fight is when you get defensive, raise your voice, or feel that burning in your chest. You’re not trying to be “mean,” your body’s basically saying, attack first, stay safe.
Flight is when you run, not just physically, but in your head. You keep yourself busy, avoid texts, and bury yourself in work.
Freeze is when you feel stuck. You can’t make decisions, your brain goes foggy, you scroll for hours instead of acting.
Fawn is when you people-please your way out of discomfort. You agree, over-explain, apologise, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
The thing is, you might be doing one or more of these without even realising it. And it’s exhausting.
Here’s what I want you to remember:
Notice without judging: Next time you feel that surge of anger, that urge to avoid, or that heavy stillness, just name it: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Awareness breaks autopilot.
Check the factsAsk yourself, Is this about what’s happening right now, or am I reacting to something old? This stops your brain from dragging you into past pain.
Ground your body first: Deep breathing isn’t cliché, it’s science. Try inhaling for 4, holding for 4, exhaling for 6. It slows your nervous system enough for your brain to think clearly.
Practice safe experiments: If you always avoid conflict, try staying in a low-stakes disagreement a few seconds longer than usual. If you always fight, try pausing before responding. Small wins rewire your response over time.
Get support: Whether it’s therapy, support groups, or one honest friend, healing is faster when you’re not doing it alone.
You’re not “broken” or “too sensitive.” You’re a human whose body learned how to survive. The goal now isn’t to erase those responses, but to teach your brain that you’re safe now.
And at GreenLeaf Homes, we are here to walk that journey with you.Want to Learn More?
At GreenLeaf Homes, we’re committed to getting this right, even before our first placement.
If you’re a young person, professional, or partner who wants to talk about person-centred care, we’d love to connect.
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